We're like a lot better than the average bears
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You're a waste of cheezeits
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
