Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
