I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize