she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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