You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
