Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
