so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
