I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
