i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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