I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
