I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I am available for nakedness
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