it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
