I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
