As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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