Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize