Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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