none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
