White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
