sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
