hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
