In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
