Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
now i know why i became what i already was.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
