you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
