I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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