exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
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She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
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Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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