I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
