Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Ketchup is God's man juice
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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