I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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