omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
