I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
