quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
