3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize