Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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