that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
