i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
