i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
