I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
