just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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