Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
