Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
