evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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