I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm too high and old for this...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
