No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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