Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize