I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
