This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
