He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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