yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
