So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
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I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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