i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
