My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She bit a glass in half.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
