oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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