would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
