making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
