she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
