Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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