If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
