Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
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