my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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