i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just fell off a train. Bad.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
