is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
