hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
handjob tips. give me some.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
