two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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